From the Belgian Royal Family to Friedensau

From the Belgian Royal Family to Friedensau – from Prof. Dr. Dr. Silvia Hedenigg

In May, we had the pleasure of welcoming Prof. Dr. Dixon Chibanda to Friedensau for the third time. This time, his journey took him from the Belgian royal family to Friedensau, from where he continued on to the Netherlands. Dixon Chibanda tirelessly pursues his mission to “make Friendship Bench accessible in walking distance, free of charge, anytime and anywhere.” To this end, internal organizational structures were changed, and “Friendship Bench Global” was founded.

In his straightforward, authentic manner, he spoke during our small, spontaneously organized event about his visit with the King and Queen of Belgium, a clinical psychologist. She has been observing the development of Friendship Bench (FB) for years. This led to the invitation and the visit, together with one of the grandmothers who has helped build up the work in Zimbabwe for many years and implemented it as an FB facilitator. In addition to this recognition of the project, FB received a donation for their work and encouragement to continue their path.

Dixon reports on his impressions of the encounter and the professional discussion with the Queen against the backdrop of her psychological background: In response to her question about what he considers the most important lesson from the work he has been doing with grandmothers for nearly two decades, he answers: “If you define human suffering in overly medical terms and overburden it with medical labels, you take away the community’s ability to care for and support one another. It is important to realize that we create a stronger sense of connection when we leave out the labels and all the medical jargon. When we leave all that out, we communicate in a very authentic way.”

In this context, the second point he discussed with the Queen related to the origins and naming of Friendship Bench. He recounts the early days, when the name “Mental Health Bench” met with strong resistance and “no one wanted to sit on the ‘Mental Health Bench.’” One of the very first grandmothers, Grandma Jack—approached Dixon and urged him to change the name. Thus, it was the first 14 grandmothers who were responsible for the naming of “Friendship Bench.” This learning experience continues to shape Chibanda to this day: “I learned that the names we choose for things can either lead them to success or cause them to fail.” Subsequently, terms such as “opening the mind,” “uplifting,” and “strengthening” were chosen for “Friendship Bench.” These are concepts with which communities can identify. Terms from the therapeutic and medical sectors, such as IPT (Interpersonal Therapy) or cognitive behavioral therapy, are avoided in work with communities.

Following this report, Prof. Dixon expresses his gratitude for our work with FB in Friedensau. He sees it as embedded in the special spirit of this place and our team. Almost as an aside, he voices “a dream”: that Friedensau could not only be the center for FB in the German-speaking world but could also develop into an FB hub for Europe. He believes this is possible, “because there is a heart here. There is a spirit here that I don’t see in many other places I visit.” We are delighted to hear his wish to visit more often. “With these few words, I simply want to thank you for all the great work you do—and for giving me space for my siesta, Silvia.” Here, with a wink, he ties back to his opening remarks that he “feels at home in Friedensau”—in keeping with an African proverb that says you feel at home in a place where you can take a restful siesta.

In addition to Prof. Chibanda’s remarks, Prof. Dr. Dr. Silvia Hedenigg presents a report on our journey so far with FB in Friedensau, covering the signing of our first Service Level Agreement, the Friendship Bench Partnership Agreement, the training experiences with two generations of German- and English-speaking FB facilitators, an initial positive interim assessment, and the prospects for the future of our activities beyond Friedensau.

Following this, it was a special pleasure and honor for us that Prof. Chibanda presided over the presentation of the completion certificates for the first German-speaking group. Afterward, two participants accepted Prof. Dixon’s invitation to share their experiences with Friendship Bench.

A participant from the first English-speaking group spoke about the traumatic experiences in his home country and his psychological distress, as well as his experiences studying in a foreign country. He described his withdrawal, his loneliness, and his isolation. He explained that he had been introduced to Friendship Bench in Prof. Silvia’s class, the exercises, and the overwhelming experience of active listening. He decides to complete the entire training. “As we went through the training—first level, second level, third level—we continued to share our experiences and carried out practical exercises on how to apply what we had learned; and most of us can attest that it healed us before we began accompanying other people.” He then talks about the importance of confidentiality on our campus, the “safe space,” which by no means always has to be a bench, but can also be created during a walk in the forest, and the sense of connection fostered by Friendship Bench.

Afterward, a participant from the German-speaking group shares his experiences. As a guest lecturer on trauma counseling for the master’s program in Counseling and a trainer for the “Trauma Incident Reduction” program, he was interested in the compatibility of the two projects and speaks with deep emotion about the approach and implementation of the Friendship Bench. Given the close alignment of the goals of depression prevention and reduction and trauma counseling, he was keen to engage in dialogue with Prof. Dixon. He emphasizes the importance of “not labeling people, (…) because we all essentially have human problems, and yes, of course we are all hurt in one way or another.” Drawing on a mix of theoretical background and personal experience from the training, he emphasizes the importance of the setting: “Just a person who is there, just a person who creates this super safe space, …and I can just say anything, and that’s so wonderful. We care for the other people sitting there. It’s such a fantastic approach that we just sit here and listen and have this safe space. Without any judgment, I can talk about it. It’s like a huge weight lifting off my heart, and that’s why I thank you for your vision.” In closing, he also expresses his gratitude for the opportunity for intercultural learning.

In keeping with the diverse and moving reflections on Friendship Bench, Dixon Chibanda bids farewell with a quote from one of his favorite authors, Maya Angelou: “People will forget what you said. People will forget what you did. But people will never forget how you made them feel.”